Spring Or Summer?

This crazy weather has done my head in again. It’s cycling between warm and hot, humid and gusty, scorching and stormy. Can’t the weather just be mild and sunny for once? Too much to ask for apparently.

Still anything is better than cold and freezing. I’m slowly emerging from my cocoon, shedding the layers of blankets and clothes, being able to feel my toes. Getting sunburnt – which I suppose would be one of the other cons of this time of year. But c’mon glorious vitamin D…

The stupid winds lately have been tearing up my balcony. That reed fencing won’t live another 12 months I don’t think. It’s randomly breaking in sections. The plants for the most part have been a bit hardier. Although now I know what happens when you try and plant sweet potatoes in flower pots.

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Haha mini sweet potatoes…  I haven’t quite worked out what to do with them yet. Maybe I’ll just bung them in the oven. I’m assuming they’re edible. Might have another go another time in a bigger container. Though the plants themselves are caterpillar magnets which is bloody annoying.

I’m going to re-attempt my windowsill herbs again. Last time they ended up all gangly and falling over which sucked. Hopefully this time if I remember to water them more frequently they might turn out ok. Here’s hoping… Maybe in a few weeks I’ll have some pretty photos of more green things…

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New Year Apparently

How did we get half way through January and no one woke me up? I feel like xmas and new year was just a crazy blur. Did it really happen? Or was I half asleep and dreaming? I have no idea anymore. So as a semi late xmas present to myself I went out and bought some cheap art supplies.

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Why? I guess I’ve just had the shits with my life recently for oh, say the last few years and felt I just needed something that was fun for the hell of it. No deadlines, no goals, just poking at something randomly to see what comes of it. I think it’s been about 10 years since I picked up a paintbrush that wasn’t of the paint walls and trims variety.

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Not bad for mucking around doodling. Downside of cheap paint is a watery mess most of the time. I guess we’ll see how long this hobby of mine lasts before I invest too much into it. Probably wouldn’t mind getting back into oils but that’s a whole other ballgame.

Curtains

So nothing says rental as much as vertical blinds.

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Been living with that for over 12months and it was driving me nuts. Thought I had a photo of that angle post painting and floor change but apparently not. Anyway, between Sherlock and the sun the chain and weights were brittle and broken and the track would rattle every time the blind were drawn. So one day it disappeared…

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Just ignore the fact that the curtains aren’t hemmed and are technically not wide enough for the space but who cares. Pretty blue curtains. Until Sherlock finds out the ends are held up by safety pins and figures out it would be fun to tear them all down. Lalala…

I can’t believe it’s mid November already. Soon it’ll be xmas. Though all the shops thinks it is already with the amount of paraphernalia they’re currently stocking. I miss being on holidays and overseas. Life is easier when I don’t have to deal with it. The daily grind sucks. More so since management has decided random changes are fun. Work would be so much easier if there were less useless roles for managers that don’t do anything. Us grunts get the shit and make the money roll in. And some cash cow rakes it in and turns around to tell us we ain’t doing enough. It may be time to move on. Well, maybe if I wasn’t so apathetic. It’s all too hard.

Black Hole

Well for the past month of my life I’ve been struck by a debilitating case of complete unmotivation (or whatever the word is supposed to be). I’ve been sucked into the black hole of procrastination. Not quite sure what I’ve been doing but it hasn’t been much. Probably doesn’t help that I don’t function well in the cold. Autumn was fairly warm this year so when winter hit, that felt like hell. A bloody freezing non sulphur burning hell.

There’s so much crap still on my to do list, but that really doesn’t register when you’re busy trying warm up your fingers, sitting under a blanket playing Farmville. Hmm… just realised how sad that sounds. To be fair, that’s not what I was doing all the time. Most of the time I was being annoyed at work. One of these days I’m just going to have to win lotto. And then buy an island. Preferably somewhere warm all year round.

So I suppose now that I’ve admitted to being completely unproductive the last month, it’s time to get a kick up the backside and actually DO something. Though maybe later in a few minutes…

Needing Sugar

What does one do with stale bread and expired peanut butter?

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Add an egg and make french toast!

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Feeling the need for simple things at the moment. Drowned in sugar doesn’t hurt either. My brain’s been fried by work again. And now I’m feeling old, as my back and knees are feeling a bit on the fried side as well. And I think the other problem is while flatout I don’t have time to breathe, let alone think. Then on my days off it’s like being slammed by a steamroller.

I’ve always been moody but I think I am getting worse. I don’t know how much of it is being older and more cynical and being fed up with all this bullshit in real life. Or how much is a jumble of anxiety and depression and all that crap. Sometimes it feels like I’m in a rut and I know it’s irrational, but I have this overwhelming desire to rage on or to burst into tears. At the same time, some other part of me is telling me to harden the fuck up and just deal with it. I just want to get on with my damn boring life, I don’t want sympathy, I don’t need special attention. I just want to be able to rant and have the world leave me alone. And what annoys the crap out of me is I can be in control and have a hold on all of this but sometimes it seems it’s all for nothing. I see people clutching onto these labels like excuses where they can get away with being incompetent without any consequences. And I’m doing my bloody job and still can’t seem to be able to get ahead.

I don’t even know where I’m going with all this rambling. Other than the fact it’s in words, in black and white, makes me feel that tiny bit better. Maybe better isn’t the right word. Just more stable.

At the end of the day I suppose I still have this to cuddle.

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Even though he can sometimes trigger a blind rage like when I find him chewing yet another cable that I had intentionally put away but apparently not out of reach. Then I try to remember it’s not his fault.

Well I guess I just have to suck it up and deal with it.

Two Down

So I’ve noticed that the only time I can concentrate on doing stuff is when I’m not concentrating on doing it. Take for instance it being halfway through the month. I was going to spend spare time on nanowrimo. Well, I couldn’t concentrate. Instead I have two doors painted.

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Well the ugly ass original colour was bugging me, not to mention my god awful cutting in while painting the walls. Though I figured I was painting over the trim anyway so what the hell. But then I got bored waiting between coats and stuck up my whiteboard (which isn’t really white… but I digress…) and figured I may as well start writing up my to do list. If I stare at it everyday maybe I’ll get something done. Or not. Chances are I’ll end up sidetracked at some point again.

But hey at least I got two doors done. They only needed about three coats each to stop the old paint showing, which only meant sleeping in a room of paint fumes as the unholy gods of weather decided to send around a thunderstorm so I couldn’t open any windows, and by the time I finished painting it was well and truly bedtime. But hey, only five more to go.

Chilling Out

So after a horrific 4 days at work I’m in need of some R&R.

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I think at some point when I wasn’t paying attention someone switched my job title out to counselor. I really have no idea what’s wrong with people. This is not the face of someone that cares. Really… go find someone else for emotional reassurance. And then I wonder how these people manage to survive to adulthood and then god forbid go on to reproduce. Doomed… doomed I tell ya.

So I’m going to spend my days off doing what I do best. Being a social recluse. Cheers.