Green Thumb

I don’t really have a good track record with plants. Especially with herbs recently. They all just withered away and then started growing white fuzzy mould all over the soil. Not helpful. Well about two weeks ago I started with this.

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And about a week later I ended up with this.

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Babies… We’ll see how long they last. So far they don’t look like they’re dying anytime soon but looks can be deceiving. I killed a cactus once. Yeah… umm… don’t ask. I even had a little visitor around my greenery.

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Of course when I first noticed the freaky green alien staring at me, my first reaction was to freak the fuck out. Especially when it started waving it’s pointy little legs at me. And I was probably still freaking out when I shot it with the camera. All the while hoping it wouldn’t launch itself at me. Do praying mantis even jump? Who knows… not waiting to find out. Eventually he disappeared and I could go back to poking at my plants without those creepy eyes staring at me. Nope, not a fan of bugs.

There’s still a whole heap of stuff I’ve got to get done around the place. Gotta start jotting things down on my to do list. Otherwise I just think up ways to procrastinate. Like now…

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Things That Make Me Happy

Those things include Ikea!

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I promise I’m not obsessed with Ikea. Not really. Ok, maybe a little. Well I finally got sick of the lack of drawers in my built-ins. I mean the size of the built-ins are generous, but I don’t really have that much clothes to hang. Most of mine are just dump and slide away. And four drawers in the entire wardrobe just doesn’t cut it. So cheapie Ikea time. Was going to hang out for a sale or score something in the as is section but it wasn’t to be.

Slightly in a better mood after working up a bit of a sweat. Or at least to the point where I can handle the idea of work and people. Just needed some mood lifters. Like this one.

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It’s great when he isn’t trying to tear the place down. Or driving me nuts. Someone needs a hug now.

Needing Sugar

What does one do with stale bread and expired peanut butter?

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Add an egg and make french toast!

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Feeling the need for simple things at the moment. Drowned in sugar doesn’t hurt either. My brain’s been fried by work again. And now I’m feeling old, as my back and knees are feeling a bit on the fried side as well. And I think the other problem is while flatout I don’t have time to breathe, let alone think. Then on my days off it’s like being slammed by a steamroller.

I’ve always been moody but I think I am getting worse. I don’t know how much of it is being older and more cynical and being fed up with all this bullshit in real life. Or how much is a jumble of anxiety and depression and all that crap. Sometimes it feels like I’m in a rut and I know it’s irrational, but I have this overwhelming desire to rage on or to burst into tears. At the same time, some other part of me is telling me to harden the fuck up and just deal with it. I just want to get on with my damn boring life, I don’t want sympathy, I don’t need special attention. I just want to be able to rant and have the world leave me alone. And what annoys the crap out of me is I can be in control and have a hold on all of this but sometimes it seems it’s all for nothing. I see people clutching onto these labels like excuses where they can get away with being incompetent without any consequences. And I’m doing my bloody job and still can’t seem to be able to get ahead.

I don’t even know where I’m going with all this rambling. Other than the fact it’s in words, in black and white, makes me feel that tiny bit better. Maybe better isn’t the right word. Just more stable.

At the end of the day I suppose I still have this to cuddle.

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Even though he can sometimes trigger a blind rage like when I find him chewing yet another cable that I had intentionally put away but apparently not out of reach. Then I try to remember it’s not his fault.

Well I guess I just have to suck it up and deal with it.